The Battle of MySQL

by Ant Stone on May 23, 2007

in Uncategorized

Regular eagle-eyed viewers of The Trail will notice strange things-a-happening along it’s misty path recently. A few posts and edits have gone astray, so to avoid technophobes chewing the mouse mat I’ll summarise what happened, in fairytale speak;

“I was sitting here blissfully daydreaming out of the window, when I observed a handsome young man (who we’ll call Softy Ware) sidle up alongside a gorgeous looking Aphrodite-esq lady (who we’ll call Katoo Theme). They didn’t appear to have enough in common, so Katoo swiftly sent Softy packing with a few harsh words. Softy wasn’t used to rejection so as he left, he stripped away Katoo’s blouse leaving her naked buxom bobbing around in the summer sunshine. Naturally Katoo was embarrassed, so she swiftly covered her entire body with leaves from the rare, Error Tree. Now covered in Errors, Katoo sulked off home as she leaked her dignity all over The Trail. Meanwhile, Softy took his smarmy ways back into a dark cave where he laughed for hours in the most evil manner.

Just when Katoo Theme thought she had no where to turn there was a knock at the door. She lay the pill bottle on the bedside table, and curiously investigated. A tall, dark and handsome (more handsome than Softy) Knight called Lelion awaited her gaze and she embraced him instinctively. Lelion explained to her that the leaves of the Error Tree were not to be touched and that they would drain her of her spirit, MySQL. He offered to help her redress the perils the leaves were instilling her with, but he couldn’t do it alone. Within moments of Lelion the Knight finishing his proposal, Katoo was in the company of another Samaritan, Charlie from the Land of Dreams. The Battle of MySQL was born, Error Trees would fall in their thousands.

To cut a long story short, Charlie acted selflessly as she beat back the evil affliction Softy had caused Katoo since their brief meeting. This allowed Lelion and his wisdom to advise Katoo how to rid herself of the poisonous leaves, that had quickly become embedded within her sumptuous surface. Eventually, after many battles and tea breaks the battle was won and Charlie, Lelion and Katoo rejoiced.

On reflection the Battle of MySQL bore a few literary fatalities, but the battle will be remembered for the courageous fight against the Error Tree and it’s evil allies. Katoo was so exhausted she entered a course of rehabilitation– but within a few hours she was built back up to full strength, maybe even stronger and her spirit was revived. Lelion the Knight galloped off into the distance, he was apparently last seen mountain climbing in Bulgaria. Charlie the Samaritan was never far away, she left her email for Katoo to keep in touch if she should ever relapse. The most surprising result, was throughout the Battle of MySQL, Softy had had a change of heart and turned up at Katoo Theme’s door 24 hours later, bearing a bouquet of colourful plugin flowers and the two are now happily living together in the Land of Dreams.”

Wow. Quite a battle, I’m sure you’ll agree and one that very nearly saw Trail of Ant’s buried. If you’re au fait with WordPress I’m sure you could see the hidden meaning. I’d like to pay homage to the characters within;

If you’re not au fait with WordPress, then I just hope you enjoy a good fairytale with a happy ending. This post wasn’t strictly about travelling, but it was a journey for me in many ways and one I’ve learned a lot from. I’ll be trying to patch up any holes in the site but alas, the lost posts are resigned to post heaven.


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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Michel May 23, 2007 at 12:34 pm

Hi there,

I nearly ended up under the table from laughing, after reading your tale!! 😀

Never, ever in my life has I read something more hilarious on the subject of web software!!! :-)))

(Even counting in the famous story about “How to shoout yourslef in the leg using various software languages“)

I’m glad your blog is back, up and running, cheers, take care (make regular backups, read more on WordPress install & support):
~Michel, a.k.a. LeLion the Knight 😉


[vladi] May 23, 2007 at 12:58 pm

Regards from me too!
Looks like it has been a battle of Titans! 😉
Glad it all turned up well for you, Michel (LeLion) is the right knight to have in a battle like this…
Cheers :o)


Ant May 24, 2007 at 12:54 am

@Michel- it was the very least I could do! Pop in from time to time to see how things develop, without you it wouldn’t be here right now!

@[vladi]- You know a good Knight when you see one, so you must know of the the Round Table. Welcome to Trail of Ant’s, hope you enjoyed your stay friend


Michel May 24, 2007 at 7:26 pm

Errr, my role wasn’t so big, really 😉

Without me, I guess, your hosting company would simply restore your WP blog (files and database) back to previous state, and then you would upgrade safely… but…

…Maybe you’re right, and let’s not ruin the nice tale and fill the heads of your readers with un-needed tech details and all. It’s a fairytale, after all, so let it be such:)

* * *

Things here at Trail Of Ant’s go smooth, now, as far as I can see, so everything is well (which ends well) :)))

Good luck! I may drop a look here from time to time, too;-)


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